It''s Okay to Not be Okay!

Has it ever happened to you that even after analyzing a situation, you do the exact opposite when you actually get in that situation? I can't believe I wrote a blog just 20 days back, my life has been pretty shit since then. I did some shit things and when I thought I should regret it, I practically didn't. I am at a stage where I don't feel anything for anybody and I don't think I can so far. I am in darkness and I know it but I cannot help myself. People think I'm wrong but I still feel good in this situation. I feel bad for the people I hurt but I don't feel bad about myself. There are times when you get numb and when I say numb, it means heartless. I am linked to 2 NGOs and I have been working with them for quite sometime now. I do not know how, why and when did I get so toxic. I got nobody to blame but I guess people were shit to me too. I think life has taught me to be really harsh and practical. I want to love people but I guess I get psycho when I actually get to know someone. My mom once said "Never take someone's money and never break someone's heart" but I guess I couldn't fulfill the second thing. I felt like ending my life so many times but I guess my self obsession kept me moving. I've always felt that i am self obsessed, always wanted the best for myself but I guess we all forget that we're hurting somebody in our way of success. I want to apologize to every person that I did hurt but I am not able to help it. I guess the only suggestion I would give to the Gen z is that if you feel you cannot do it anymore, just say it before things get worse. If I would have clearly told the person I loved that I couldn't live without my freedom and that I didn't love him anymore despite of all the love and affection I had got from him, I wouldn't have been in this position. I think It's okay to not be okay but don't bother people because of that. I DID and now I regret it.... but I guess sometimes the other person is toxic and they don't know it.... You may loose feeling just because of the inconvenience they caused but I guess it's rather better not caring about it

That's it for today, until next time <3